They're Going There With Their Friends!

Do They Still Teach Grammar or Spelling in Schools These Days?

Not that it would make much of a difference, in all seriousness.  The people who sat with me in English classes from elementary school through high school didn’t pay much attention when they had the chance. And I’m not talking about text-speak.  Everyone gets a pass on misspellings there; we’re abbreviating, I get that. 

I’m really not a grammar nazi, but I’m embarrassed by my own friends’ misspellings.

Before I really get rolling, I’ll admit that my own grammar is not perfect.  I end sentences with prepositions, misspell common words, and use too many commas.  I’m not talking perfection, I’m talking about knowing the difference between “they’re, there, and their.” 

Now that 50% of Americans have Facebook accounts, almost all of us have had a chance to see how our friends spell.  I don’t know about you, but most of my friends can’t.  A few of them are great at it, sadly most of the ones who are fluent in English are also English teachers. 

Here’s a partial list of the worst things I see, daily:

For the love of God, there is no D in the word congratulations!

Learn when to use “me” or “I” in a sentence, and when to use an apostrophe.  It’s not that hard.

Know the differences between ~ they’re, there, and their ~ you’re and your ~ to, too, and two ~ then and than ~ know and no ~ awe and awww! ~ hear and here ~ buy, bye, and by ~  break and brake ~ loose and lose ~ peek and peak ~ You get the idea, I could do this for days.

Does ANYONE remember: “i before e, except after c” ?

It’s AWESOME, not AWSOME. 

And while we’re talking about awesome things, let’s talk about the overuse of the words AWESOME and AMAZING.  I hear them everywhere, describing every imaginable thing in the world.  People sure have been awed and amazed at the most boring of things!  Please, people, find more adjectives.  Here’s a word for you: THESAURUS.  Please get one.

These days, we have to be concerned about potential employers asking for our Facebook passwords.  Everyone’s worried that they’ll find some old college pictures of us, drunkenly hanging off of our dreadlock-wearing, unwashed ex-boyfriend, playing beer pong and wearing bad 80’s fashion.  Maybe you should be more concerned about your spelling and grammar in the “About Me” sections.  Just a thought.

Turn Right At The Third Light

There are a lot of things that I don't understand about men and how their minds work. That's nothing unusual, of course. The mystery of the differences between the sexes is the subject of countless books, movies, songs, and drunken barroom discussions. Here is the one thing that really confuses me about guys: Why do they think that they are the authority and final word of direction-giving?

I've spent many years working in convenience stores and gas stations, which is where a lot of people go to ask directions when they're lost or looking for a specific place. I'm happy to help, and if I don't know how to get there, I'll find a way to help regardless. I've drawn maps, written step-by-step directions, called the place for them, and unfolded (and then re-folded) many a paper road map to help. Nowadays, I simply pull out the trusty iPhone and type in the place they're looking for. It's part of the job and I actually like doing it because it's one of those customer service things that people appreciate and remember.

And I've been told many times that I give good directions. Concise, clear, and easy to follow directions...even though I am a girl. I get around much better than my husband, he's more likely to get lost than me, and he's more likely to ask directions from someone than me. He asks me how to get places, and as his wife, I'm always pleased for the opportunity to tell him where to go. ;)

So why is it that when a man OR woman comes into a gas station and asks me for directions and I do so (quite well I might add), any man within earshot of my directions feels obliged to then give the lost person the exact same directions, verbatim, immediately after I have done so?

If the answer to that question is: To Seriously Offend And Piss Me Off, well then, mission accomplished. I gave PERFECTLY GOOD DIRECTIONS, sorry they didn't ask you first. It was not an insult to the size of your penis that they didn't ask you instead.

That's all for today!

The Customer Is Always...

Since I’ve been in the business of Customer Service for about 32 years, give or take a few years, I feel as if I have the right (and the responsibility) to provide a few pointers to you customers out there on how not to piss off your customer service providers or your fellow customers. That’s right, because sometimes you are so self-absorbed that you irritate other customers.

You think it’s not your problem? You think that you’re always right? Weeeelllll, let me tell you, you are not. Sometimes you’re not only wrong, you are DEAD wrong. Sometimes you are stupid and rude. Sometimes we call you some very mean names after you’ve walked out of the door. Sometimes we wish very bad things upon you. You reap what you sow, people!

I’ve had poor customer service, but I have never been rude to that person. Really, never! Not even a little bit. Because that person is a PERSON. Being rude to PEOPLE is not nice. Why am I stressing the fact that these are people? Because sometimes, you customers treat us as if we’re not people. You are disrespectful to us. So first and foremost, remember that the person ringing up your purchase is just that, a person.

In no particular order, here are some other things that we customer service providers want to let you know.

1. When we say “hello” or “good morning” or some other greeting, it would be appropriate for you to respond in kind. When I say “hello” and you say “Large Coffee” that is not polite.

2. However, when we say “hello” or some other greeting, it’s just a greeting, not an invitation for sex. We are not flirting, we are being polite. If I want to have sex with you, I will be more direct. But unless we're in a strip joint, don't hold your breath.

3. If you haven’t bathed or brushed your teethe in the last week or your clothes are standing up on their own, you probably stink. And spraying half a bottle of cologne on yourself isn’t fooling anyone. If I step back from you, or blow a fan toward you and away from me, take a hint and hit the showers. You make me want to vomit.

4. With only the rarest of exceptions, the person at the register did NOT set the prices. Telling me that the price of one of our products is too high is pointless and annoys me. If you want a bargain, go to Wal-Mart.

5. Same goes for your complaint about the number of restrooms or parking spaces, how the building is laid out or the color of the floor tile. I didn’t design the building; I was probably not even born when the building was constructed. So either write a letter to our corporate office or shut up.

6. This one really bugs me…When you tell me that you can buy it cheaper at another store, I really want to tell you to go there and leave me alone, but I am not allowed to do that. So here’s the thing: Either go to the other store and save yourself the nickel you’re bitching about, or shut up and pay what we’re charging. Please.

7. When you are too clueless to work a credit card machine or a gas pump or any other simple piece of machinery or technology, do not get mad at the person behind the counter, get mad at your own stupid ass.

8. (This one applies only to gas stations, but I’ve worked at a lot of them and it still makes me shake my head) When you go inside to pay for your gas, it is NOT the cashier’s job to know what pump you’re on, it’s YOURS. Pointing at ALL of the pumps and saying “That one right there” does NOT help. Telling me it’s the white car does NOT help. Telling me it’s pump 19 when there isn’t a pump 19 does NOT help. Telling me it’s across from pump 4 does NOT help. The only thing that does help is knowing what the number is on the pump that you are parked closest to. Nothing else. When you don’t know your pump number, we think you are stupid.

9. When there is one person working behind the counter and there is a line, just get in the line. Coming to the front to ask me a question because you think you’re too important to wait is rude. I am doing the best I can. I see that I have a line and if there is someone else to help, I will call them when it’s appropriate. You are not the President and you have to wait in line like the rest of us.

10. When there are people waiting behind you and you are digging in your wallet for your money or debit card or a damn penny, they make faces behind your back. They wish you would die, right there. You knew you were coming to a store to buy stuff, and so you really should be a little more prepared. Get your shit together already.

There are a lot of other things that I could add to this list. Just be nice and polite and realize that you aren’t the only person in the world. That would really help. And if you think that this list doesn't apply to you because you are a wonderful person and everyone should who knows you should feel lucky, think again. If you think that then this list is definitely for you.

If all of the above makes me sound like a bitch that shouldn’t be in contact with other people, much less be left in charge of a cash register, well, maybe that’s true. But I can assure you that I’m nice to all the customers, even the dumbest of the dumb, the rudest of the rude, and the clueless-est of the…you know what I mean. I just received a certificate of excellence in customer service from my current employer, and it’s not the first time I’ve been recognized for it either. All of the above is what’s in my head as I’m giving you and the general public the best customer service possible.

Ear Candy - Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic"

Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cpPSBzGEklE

Eye Candy - Chicago at Dusk

This was the view from the ice rink at Millenium Park at dusk one evening last week. Looking Northwest from the park towards the intersection of Michigan Avenue and Randolph Street. Thanks to a little fog and mist in the air, the sky was looking pretty cool.

If You See Something, Say Something

Before you read on, stop for a moment and look at your hands. Are they clean? Now think back to the last time you washed them. Are they really clean? Are they sanitary? Would you go to your kitchen right now and make a sandwich, touching the bread, meat, cheese, plate and utensils without washing your hands first? Your answer should be “No, I would like to wash them again!" Since the last time I used the restroom and then washed my hands, I have touched my computer keyboard and mouse, my hair and face, at least two doorknobs, the oven handle and a dishtowel in my kitchen, and pushed my glasses up on my nose at least twice. Not so clean now.

Food borne illnesses are far more common than you think. How many times have you eaten and then had some sort of unpleasant gastro-intestinal episode afterwards? Have you ever had food poisoning? Maybe you’ve had an e. coli or salmonella infection and didn’t know it, or maybe you did know. Chances are you’ve had a bad experience with a restaurant that you refuse to ever visit again.

Next time you have the chance and feel like being grossed out, do what I just did - a search on your computer about how many illnesses you can contract from food. Many of them are due to poor food handling such as cross-contamination and improper cooking/cooling/holding temperatures and procedures. The rest of them could have been prevented if the food handler had washed their hands after using the restroom.

The reason that this is on my mind right now is that I recently visited a restaurant that I eat at pretty regularly. Before eating, I stopped in the restroom to wash my hands. While I stood at the sink doing that, I witnessed one of the waitresses walk out of the stall and straight out the door without washing her hands. She also pulled the door handle without using a paper towel, as I always do in public washrooms. I cannot imagine how many disgusting little germs she took with her to pass on to her poor, unsuspecting customers.

This isn’t the first time that I’ve seen this happen in a restaurant - or in any public restroom for that matter. We’ve all seen it, we’re all (almost all, I suppose) pretty disgusted by it, but what are we going to do about it? I told the restaurant manager what I saw, and since the young woman gave me dirty looks every time she passed through the dining room (I still ate there, but requested a different waitress), I feel confident that the manager addressed it with her right away.

I have been told that I should have not said anything, just left and eaten elsewhere, and minded my own business. Really? Because it IS my business. What if someone got sick that day because of that young woman? If I get e. coli or salmonella poisoning (the two most common illnesses you can contract from food preparers who haven’t washed their hands after using the restroom) I’m going to get pretty sick. Diarrhea, vomiting, cramps, all kinds of fun stuff, but survivable. But the elderly and small children are much more likely to get very sick and are far more likely to DIE from these illnesses.

That’s right…DEAD, forever, because some disgusting pig couldn’t take a MINUTE out of their life to wash their hands. That should be everyone’s business. Would you stop someone from bullying a kid or pushing around a grandmother? Then you should say something when you see someone putting innocent people at risk for DEATH.

That is why we still see those signs in public bathrooms: EMPLOYEES MUST WASH THEIR HANDS BEFORE RETURNING TO WORK. Why do we still need to remind people of this (not that it always does any good) in this day and age, with all we know about how important hand washing is, with every parent in America running around with a mini bottle of hand sanitizer in their purses and back pockets? Why is this still an issue with people? How can you not know that you need to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? What more do we have to do to get through to people? I don’t know what else to say. Just please wash your hands, teach your kids to wash their hands, and if you see a food handler skip the soap and water, say something.

Another One Bites The Dust

Sometime yesterday, Whitney Houston died in a hotel room in Hollywood. We don’t know exactly what killed her yet, but we are all assuming it was drug related. Whitney took illegal substances, that’s not a secret. She started out a singer but became a joke, and now she’s gone. Like so many before her, a beautiful voice and talent has died at his or her own hand. I could make a list of dozens of brilliant singers, musicians, and actors and athletes that have killed themselves with drugs and alcohol, whether intentionally or accidentally, too young. You know who they are, so I won’t make a list.

Whitney was born into musical royalty, had the voice of an angel, and an exceptional career, and then she did drugs and lost it all, and then she died. All the money and love and fans couldn’t save her. Not even having a child who depended on her was enough to make her stop and clean it up.

Sadly she won’t be the last famous or super-talented person to waste away and die from substance abuse. But if Whitney couldn’t make it back, or any of the others who had fame and fortune and died anyway, what chance does the average addict have of making it back?

Many people don’t have sympathy for addicts, me included. You knew that taking drugs was bad, but you did it anyway, and now you’re addicted. You want help, you say you have a disease and you need a cure.

I think you should have known better to begin with. NO ONE thrives in addiction for long, it all falls apart, sooner rather than later. Millions of people have died from substance abuse and addiction; millions more have ruined their lives if it didn’t kill them. So what made YOU think that YOUR story would be different? Drugs are a dead end, period.

I was looking forward to Whitney’s comeback, her triumphant return to music, her voice clear and strong just like back when she started, but a little bit stronger for what she’d been through. That’s not going to happen now, and that makes me sad and a little bit angry. Whitney should have known better.